"Getting Older"

The only way for me from now on is down. My gums are receding faster than the Scarborough coastline and my hair, once blonde, is shot through with grey. My brain continues to slow down. I forget people's names -'Jenny who?' I'm losing my faculties. I've had an injury that has made me walk with a stick. I look like Jake the Peg. My skin has collapsed like a burst souffle. Only my nose and eyebrows continue to grow. I'm like a human Pinocchio, except for the untruths. I'm increasingly sceptical and cynical about everything, especially the Government, banking and the legal profession. I am thinking of forming the 'Anti-everything league'. My philosophy is now one of 'hanging and flogging.' All that, I'm rich in experience, deep in knowledge and rippling with wisdom, I think.